If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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