At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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