smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
