He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
