and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
