The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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