I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
