Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
