But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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