You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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