i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
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