Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
