my soul wont recognize me after tonight
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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