Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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