just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
