guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
