I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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