Say something about gay babies.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
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Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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