batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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