In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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