thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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