you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
