o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
