Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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