tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
