Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize