After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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