I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
