just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
50% drunk capacity currently
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
