Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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