i just sent this text using only my big toe
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
