Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
