Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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