the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
