I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
