forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
