apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
