I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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