So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
as a side note pls kill me
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
