Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
