kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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