i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
