Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
