Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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