i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
