WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
As shirtless as possible
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
