Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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