Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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