i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
