im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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