ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
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i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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