i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
