U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
