And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
