I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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