i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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