So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
