i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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