he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
