Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
