And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
