nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
