My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Randomize
