My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
