Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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